Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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