i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
