You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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