Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
