dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
