By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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