Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
