in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
