he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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