Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
