You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
