I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize