She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
