When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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