i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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