Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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