i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
