just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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