what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
