the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
