Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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