I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
it's great music for shaving your balls
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
OPIZZABONMYDICK
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
