Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Randomize
