Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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