finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
