hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
