My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
