i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
