found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Randomize
