Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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