So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
