it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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