well you can't waste a boner
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize