brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
