Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
