See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
