I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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