Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
