Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
