$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
