This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
