Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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