I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
