Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
