Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize