did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
