So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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