dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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