im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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