my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
