He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
