do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
