his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
