What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
