I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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