1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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