I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
it was like his penis was on wheels.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
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