things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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