my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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