You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
