dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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