GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
