Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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