jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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