The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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