tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize