I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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