Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So here I am, sexting at work.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
