About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
