the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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