Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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