the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
All I want is dick and wine.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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