you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
