I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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