My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
