Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
