man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
