we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
