I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
