So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
