u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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