and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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