So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
