i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I will be naked everywhere
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
