I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
