I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize