The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
