also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Randomize
