pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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