The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
