We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
