how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
handjob tips. give me some.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
