i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
