The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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