i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
