Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
How external is "for external use only"?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
