We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
