hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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