like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
