come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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